Fittleworth Mummers Play
Fittleworth Mummers Play

This is the text for the Mummers Play performed in the village of Fittleworth, which despite being called "King George and the Dragon.", there is no Dragon in it. The play was collected from George Atrill by Tony Wales, other versions may vary slightly. The first world war in 1914 put a stop to the Mummers play in Fittleworth, though it was later revived for special occasions such as the Jubilee of King George V.



Father Christmas8
Billy Twing Twang7
King George16
Turkish Knight16
Valiant Soldier22
Prince Of Peace4

Father Christmas: In comes I, Old Father Christmas,
Am I welcome or am I not?
I'm sometimes cold and sometimes hot,
But I hope old Father Christmas,
Will never be forgot.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am here for a short time to stay,
But I will give you a little pleasure,
To pass the time before I go away.
Billy Twing Twang: In comes I, little Billy Twing Twang,
Just come from the press gang.
I am not very stout and not very tall,
But I think myself the best man amongst you all.
Room, room, I pray,
For I am the noble captain,
To lead King George and all his men this way.
King George: In comes I, King George ,that man of courage bold,
With broad sword and spear I won ten tons of gold,
I fought the fiery Dragon and brought him to great slaughter,
And by the means of that I won the King of Egypt's daughter.
Turkish Knight: In comes I a Turkish Knight,
Come from the Turkish land to fight,
I'll fight King George, that man of courage bold,
And if his blood is hot I'll quickly turn it cold.
King George: Halt, halt, you saucy cock, and don't you talk such vapour,
Or I'll cut you down with my old rusty rapier.
Turkish Knight: Down on my bended knee I pray all for to be a Turkish slave,
For I've been ragged, and I've been jagged,
From house to house and door to door,
And if I get out of this, I'll never get in anymore.
King George: Arise, arise you Turkish dog, and see,
That the champion of old England doth remain.
Valiant Soldier: In comes I, a valiant soldier, Bold Slasher is my name,
With my sword and buckler by my side, all to win some fame,
I and seven more fought and killed eleven score,
Marching men, Sir, men of war, better men than you are,
Twice through my head I've been shot,
My brains they boil almost like a pot,
My head is made of iron, my body made of steel,
My sword unto my knucklebone I'll fight you in the field,
Now broad you stand, you lousy Pole,
And appear as man to man behold,
I will neither bow nor bend,
Neither will I take you to be my friend.
And so that King George should have his will,
You, saucy cock, I'd sooner kill.
Turkish Knight: For why? For why? Have I done you any harm?
Valiant Soldier: Yes, you have, you saucy cock, and get you gone.
Turkish Knight: Saucy cock, sir. Withdraw your words.
You ought to be stabbed.
Valiant Soldier: Stab for stab, I never fear.
You point the place and I will meet you there.
Turkish Knight: Well, across the water between four and five,
I'll meet you there if I'm alive.
Duel - Valiant Soldier kills Turkish Knight
Valiant Soldier: Now King George, you see what I have done,
I have cut him down like the evening sun.
Now for a doctor you must seek,
While he lies bleeding at your feet.
King George: Oh, is there a Noble Doctor to be found,
That can do good to raise the sick, and heal the wound?
Doctor: Yes, there is a Doctor to be found that you shall plainly see,
As long as I've been a doctor on the land and sea.
Now I've come to behold King George's Majesty.
King George: Well, Doctor what can you cure?
Doctor: What can I cure?
I can cure the Hippsy, Pippsy, Peasy, Palmsy and the gout,
Pains within and pains without,
Broken arms, broken legs, broken bones of any kind,
And if this young man's neck is broke, I will set it,
Or I'll not charge you one farthing of my fee.
King George: And, what is your fee, Doctor?
Doctor: Fifty pounds is my fee,
To raise this slain man under thee.
King George: Try your skill.
Doctor: Try my skill, The deuce a bit!
Get my horse, John, I'll be gone.
King George: Step back, Doctor step back,
Fifty pounds I'll give to thee,
To raise this slain man under me.
Doctor: There, now you are talk something like a man.
I have a little bottle in my pocket called Golden Lossey Drops.
I put one drop on his temple and one on his chin,
And that puts life into one leg.
There, ladies and gentlemen, that puts life in one leg already.
Now, I have some pills here, called reviving pills.
I give him one of these and it puts life in his whole body.
Now, rise up and see how nobly you can walk and talk.
Turkish Knight (Rising): There ladies and gentlemen, you see what it is to be slain,
And have this Noble doctor to raise you to life again.
Doctor: Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
I am not one of those quack doctors,
Going about from door to door,
Telling you as many lies in one half hour,
As comes true in seven years.
What I do, I do plainly before your eyes,
And if you can't believe your own eyesight,
That is indeed a hard case.
My father was the seventh son of his father,
And I'll guarantee there is none can do the cure than I
Prince Of Peace: In comes I the Prince of Peace,
Bid all these wars to cease.
So clap your hands together and let your voices ring,
Long live King George and merrily we sing.

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