Firle Mummers Play
Firle Mummers Play

This is the text for the Mummers Play performed in the village of Firle.



Father Christmas13
King George12
Turkish Knight4
Johny Jack10

Father Christmas: In comes I, Old Father Christmas,
Am I welcome or am I not?
For you know old Father Christmas shall never be forgot.
For old Father Christmas has a short time to stay,
And he hopes to show some sports & pleasures before he goes away.
For in this room there shall be shown,
The dreadfullest battle that ever was known.
Room, Ladies and gentlemen, room I pray,
For I am the man that leads King George and his merry men this way.
King George: In comes I, King George, the Dragon for to fight,
With broad sword I brought him to great slaughter,
Therefor by these means I won three crowns,
And the Queen of Egypt's daughter.
I slew twenty armies of the little Turkish Knight.
Turkish Knight: In comes I the Little Turkish Knight,
In from the Turkish land to fight,
King George that bold champion,
If his blood be hot as it may be, I'll quickly fetch cold.
King George: Yo ho, my little man, thou speakest very bold.
You're like those little Turks, so I've been told.
I'll kick thee to the skies, I'll make thy buttons fly,
I'll send thee to Jamaica to make mince pies.
Step up and defend thyself.
They fight and the Turkish Knight falls slain.
Moll: King George, King George, what has thou done?
Thou'st been and killed my only son.
Is there a doctor to be found in this wide world all around?
Father Christmas: Hi Doctor you're wanted.
Doctor: In comes I, an Italian Doctor,
Just lately arrived from Spain.
To heal the sick & wounded,
And to bring the dead to life again.
Father Christmas: What cans' thou cure Doctor?
Doctor: Cure? I can cure ipsie, pipsie, palsy, gausy gout,
Rheumatic pains that run within and without.
If you break your back I will quickly mend it,
If you break your neck I will quickly set it.
Father Christmas: Very wonderful, Doctor, very wonderful.
Doctor: Yes, i have a bottle of Indian Frostbite Pills,
In my left-hand right-hand waistcoat pocket,
A drop on the eyes, a drop on the nose will make this man quiver,
A drop on the lips will bring this man to life again.
Father Christmas: Very wonderful, Doctor, very wonderful.
King George: Arise thou cowardly dog and get away to thine own country,
and show them what old England has done for thee.
Moll: What is thy fee Doctor?
Doctor: My fee is forty guineas,
But as your a poor woman,
I'll let you off with one.
Johny Jack: In comes I Little Johny Jack,
With my wife and family on my back.
My family's large and I very small,
But every little helps us all.
Christmas comes but once a year,
And we all like to have a little cheer,
A pocket full of money and a barrel full of beer,
And a fat old 'og in the sty.
Ladies and gentlemen, at your ease,
Give to us champions what you please.
The play ends and they all sing the Tipteerer's Song
All: First to come in is old santa you'll see,
With some old morris ribbons all tied round his knee,
And a beard on his chest like silver doth shine,
And we hope you'll remember it's tipteering time.

The next to come in was King George the good,
Who fought for his country till he shed his blood,
He comes from the sea old England to view,
And he'll come a tipteering with the whole of his crew.

The next to come in is the small Turkish Knight,
He's come down from Brixton King George for to fight,
With a fez on his head and a sword in his hand,
And he's come a tipteering around this fair land.

The next to come in is old Molly Brown Bags,
Though she's plenty of money she's dressed all in rags,
She's gold and she's silver she's copper in store,
And she's come a tipteering and hopes to get more.

And the last to come in is the doctor you'll see,
He's a valiant old man in every degree,
He's a valiant old man and he wears a black tail,
And his only delight is drinking malt ale.

We're 1 2 3 jolly boys all of one mind,
We come a tipteering and we hope you'll prove kind,
And if you provide us with cider and beer,
We'll come no more nigh you till this time next year.

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