East Preston Mummers Play (I)
East Preston Mummers Play (I)

This is the text for the Mummers Play performed in the village of East Preston and collected from by C. Foard in 1913. There is what appears to be a later version of the play with several additions.



Father Christmas21
Noble Captain9
King George10
Prince Of Peace2
Turkish Knight6
Valiant Soldier4
Jolly Jack4

Father Christmas: In comes I, Old Father Christmas,
Am I welcome or am I not,
I hope old father Christmas will never be forgot
Though I have but a short time to stay,
I'll show you sport and pastime before we go away.
So room, room ladies & gentlemen, I pray,
For I'm the man, that brought the Noble Captain,
And all his gang this way.
Noble Captain: In comes I, the Noble Captain,
just lately come from France,
And with my bold and jolly Turk,
I'll make King George to dance.
King George: In comes I, King George you behold,
Red and scarlet, Blue and Gold,
This is the evening, fine and clear,
Which I intend to taste your Christmas cheer,
Not only me, but all my courts shall likewise shave the sports,
So neither for you will I bow or bend.
Noble Captain: Stand off, Stand off,
I take you not to be my friend.
King George: Friend Sir, when did I do you any wrong?
Noble Captain: Wrong you saucy bounder, get you gone.
King George: Saucy bounder, I defy, that name deserves a stab.
Noble Captain: Stab, Sir, is that the least I have to fear,
Point the place and I meet you there.
King George: The place is pointed all on the ground,
Where I intend to lay your old body down.
King George and the Noble Captain fight for a few rounds, then the Prince Of Peace parts them.
Prince Of Peace: In comes I, the Prince of Peace,
This blood and warfare now to cease.
Then all the company join in and sing "Soon We'll Be In London Town"
Turkish Knight: In comes I, the Turkish Knight,
Just come from Turkish Land to fight.
I'll fight King George's man of courage bold,
And if his blood runs hot I'll soon make it run cold.
Valiant Soldier: In comes I, the Valiant Soldier, 'Bon and Slasher" is my name.
My sword is clasp to my knucklebone, I wish to win the game.
My head is made of iron and my heart of stone,
And now 'tis time, I have you know, I lay you on the ground.
Turkish Knight: Although your feathery cap, it is so high,
I'll cut you down immediately.
A fight ensues and the Turkish Knight falls dead.
Father Christmas: Oh, Shambo, Shambo, haste to speed,
For sore my trials and great my need,
And such need as now ever in before,
To see my poor son lie bleeding on the floor,
Legs broken, arms broke, finiking gout in his great toe.
My I, what a long coffin this man will want,
7ft 9ins & 3/4 and 1/2 long.
But surely, there might be a doctor found,
To raise this young man from the ground.
Doctor: Oh, yes! Surely there is a doctor found,
To raise this young man from the ground,
I can cure the sick and heal the wound.
Father Christmas: Well doctor, what's your fee?
Doctor: Nineteen pounds nineteen shillings eleven pence and three farthings.
Father Christmas: O dear, I can't pay none such money as that.
Doctor (Turning to go): Very well, I'll take my horse and go.
Father Christmas: All right. I'll see you paid before morning.
Doctor: Before morning, won't do for me. I wants it now.
Father Christmas: All right, Doctor, I'll see you paid now.
Doctor: Now, you see, ladies and gentlemen,
I've a small box of pills in my left hand trowsers waistcoat pocket,
Which I call me jeniper pills;
Also a little bottle which I call Golden Philosoper Drops.
I drop one pill in his mouth, One drop on his nose,
And one on his temple, strikes a light in his whole body.
Arise, young man, and let me see how steady you can walk.
The Turk is restored to life and the Doctor continues :
Doctor: Now you see, ladies and gentlemen, I'm no quack doctor,
running about the State telling a pack of lies.
I'm a real Spanish Doctor,
And can cure the sick and raise the dead before your eyes.
Can't I, Dad?
Jolly Jack: In comes I, Little Jolly Jack,
My wife and family at my back.
Christmas time and Christmas cheer,
Ladies and Gents give what you please.
The play ends with them all singing Auld Lang Syne

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